1. Tolerance & Patience
#Calm #patient #cool-headed
I want to define this. Happiness is a state of mind. Dear Mr. The One, you must know the art of keeping yourself happy, irrespective of the situation. Happy people create a happy environment. Now, we can’t always be HAPPY but as long as we know how to keep springing back to this ‘happy state’, I think we will be fine.
For example, I like to be happy. So, I like to find happiness in the little things. Like listening to a new piece of music. Writing. Playing with Kiddo or do something crafty or just hear the rain etc etc. What is it that you like to do?
That’s not to say you have to be like Robin Williams, but it is important to have a sense of humour about the serious things in life. Our lives are full of challenges and we can’t always “shoo” them away but we can surely “laugh” them away – together!
4. Dependable, Reliable and RESPONSIBLE
Respect for my space, my thoughts, my choices etc etc. The fact is that I have had my share of experiences and those experiences made me into the person that I am today. I can’t subscribe to you or anyone’s way of living and asking me to live, talk or do things in a ‘certain’ way you like is not possible and If I have to perhaps I’ll just lose interest in the relationship.
Yes, if you have a better idea, I am open to it. I am not stubborn and love to listen and learn too but if you are going to impose it on me, I’ll look for the escape door. Also, sometimes, people pretend they are not imposing their opinion on you but they really are by emotionally blackmailing you which is worse than being blunt about something. Parents do that, I do it too but as soon as I catch myself doing it, I try to rephrase my statements and deliver the idea in a better and more acceptable tone.
6. Being Open
Being open about feelings, thoughts and ideas. Being open to my ideas and thoughts. Being open to change. Being open to experiencing new things in life.
Love is transient. Most of the time the “love” feelings arise from great sexual connection. If your sexual chemistry is dead, you might as well be room partners. BUT, if you have a genuine connection at a spiritual, artistic, and an intellectual level, there will be feelings of love and intimacy as well. I hope we all have loads of that good stuff!
8. Love for Oneself
There is a difference between love and obsession. To love one-self is to accept oneself with all its flaws and to be at peace with yourself. A healthy effective relationship is composed of two selves not two broken pieces that will never fit together.
At the end of the day, I am not looking for a relationship project nor am I saying I need you to be perfect. But I guess some basics have to be in place to make any relationship successful.
9. Be Sexy with me
By constantly criticizing me or picking on my flaws, you are being un-sexy with me.
10. Take interest in me
Take interest in the things I do, just like I would love to take interest in your things. They say partners who take genuine interest in each other make happy partners. Relationship is not a one-way street.
11. Your parents are ‘your’ parents
I know how loosely we drop such words, “you are family”, but in reality, family is a more permanent connection. Like ‘em, love ‘em, hate ‘em, they are family. In-laws are not family and that’s why the term “in-laws”. So, when you legally separate, you also divorce from the “family”. But in reality can you really divorce from “family”? If you can, they were never family in the first place, just extended connections, where the core link is your spouse. So, when the core link drops, the extended connections break too. Infact, love is lost too.
Basically, it takes years to become “family”. It takes years of trust, fights, tears, laughter, joy, sorrow to become a part of a family.
The beauty of extended connections is that if you don’t try too hard by labeling them as “family” and genuinely love them as “connections”, you may actually end up establishing a much solid connection, relationship and one day may be in a position to call them family.
Yes, I do expect you to respect my family and you should expect me to respect yours. Even remember and wish them on their birthdays. Being warm and helpful (if required). But beyond that I don’t expect you to do anything else and leave the door open to you. If you want you can build a deeper connection (and you can do it at your own pace over years) or maintain respectable distance and really enjoy the familiarity of extended connections, it is okay. I expect the same.
I would expect you to not criticize my family or ever make them center of your jokes. Light-hearted fun is okay. But all I expect is respect. That’s all.
I love to talk. Share and exchange ideas and thoughts. I would like you to do too.